In the News
Stand Up or Shut Up: The Gamble of Speaking your Mind
Succeed
12.01.2004
By Paul D. Rosevear
There will be times in your career, especially when you’re starting a new job or are in an unfamiliar work environment, when you’ll have to decide between standing up for yourself and jeopardizing an opportunity, or swallowing your pride for salary’s sake in a tight economy. This choice is never easy, and there is never a right or wrong decision. In many cases, the decision becomes a judgment call on your part. But to help you make that call, take a look at what the experts say about these workplace rolls of the dice.
Is this a $5 or $500 hand?
There are gripes and then there are gripes. The first step to determining whether or not you should speak up is pinpointing the root of the problem. For the purposes of this article, we’re not examining clear instances of workplace misconduct like sexual harassment or racial prejudice. Rather, we’re tackling less severe, but more common casual office conflicts that speak more to your personal comfort level. In the aforementioned instances, there is absolutely no guesswork involved: Take action to eliminate this behavior immediately.
Before you even get to the table. Ironically, you can experience job-related conflicts before you can even land the job itself. Job interviews are a notorious breeding ground for inappropriate conduct. “The rules for interviewers are pretty straightforward,” say Brad Karsh of JobBound., a company geared toward helping recent college graduates land jobs. “If it’s not job-related, you can’t ask it.”
However, interviews often steer off that professional course, and not necessarily just to make you uncomfortable - it’s usually because a potential employer is making general conversation. “Questions like, ‘That’s a really nice accent, where are you from?’ or ‘Do you have any children?’ may sound innocent, but they are really inappropriate and irrelevant,” says Karsh. “In that case, try to use humor to deflect or skirt around it in some way, like saying, ‘Trust me, where I come from isn’t all that interesting.’” Many times, interviewers do not know they are asking something illegal.
But what if the interviewer persists? “At that point, you need to ask yourself if this is really a company you want to be working for,” says Karsh. If that happens, make no mistake - the interviewer has crossed that line. “You can politely say, ‘That’s a private matter, and I’d rather not answer.’”
Ante up!
Many of the same points Karsh makes apply to the everyday conflicts you may experience in the workplace, too, except the stakes are higher once you’ve already got the job. “When you encounter a workplace conflict, before speaking up, ask yourself what’s the worst thing that can happen,” says Sherron Bienvenu, author of The Presentation Skills Workship (AMACOM Books, 1999) and consultant at www.chinup.net. “Could you lose your job? Or is the worst-case scenario something less than that? It’s always important to know what’s on the table.” Once you’ve determined exactly what there is to gain and what there is to lose, your decision to address the conflict or let it slide becomes much clearer.
Play the odds
If you’ve decided to voice your opinion, make sure you’re savvy and educated about your risk taking. “Pick your battles and your target audience,” says Bienvenu. “You need to put yourself in situations where you have credibility. Approach people with whom you have a relationship where you know what you say counts.” In other words, don’t voice a petty complaint with a supervisor with whom you don’t have a solid personal relationship - that’s the worst of both worlds.
Also, be informed, confident, and collected in the presentation of your concerns. Whether that be the manner in which your boss addressed you in a meeting or a problem with a co-worker’s personal hygiene, you need to always remain composed and professional. “Ask in such a way that your request will be heard,” says Beverly Kaye, author of Love It Don’t Leave It (Berrett-Koehler, 2003). “I really believe eight of 10 times, your boss or co-worker doesn’t even know what’s wrong. We’re always thinking, ‘This will never change,’ or ‘They’ll never say yes,’ but usually it’s because you’ve never asked, or never asked the right way.”
Don’t be more than your bankroll
Like a compulsive gambler, it’s easy to get swept away with sticking up for your rights, because we all feel the need to defend ourselves and our dignity. But there are simply instances when your pride will challenge your good sense, and you’ve got to recognize those. In other words, don’t just argue for argument’s sake.
“There are a couple of questions you can ask yourself to slow down your ego,” says Bienvenu. “When people justify challenging a boss or co-worker because of the ‘principle of the matter’ that’s the wrong answer. You want to be able to explicitly tell someone why what they’ve done is wrong, not just point to a ‘principle.’”
Similarly, Kathy Sanborn, author of The Seasons of Your Career (Contemporary Books/McGraw-Hill Professional, 2003), suggests you truly optimize your credibility by whom you talk to and what you choose to speak up about. “Try to address minor problems between co-workers on your own, and reserve approaching your boss for more significant matters,” she says. “There’s a fine line between raising legitimate issues and being a pain in the neck. If you cry wolf too many times, you take away from your credibility.”
Taking home your winnings
Hopefully you won’t be discouraged from speaking your mind in the future - rather, now you can know how to best speak up to your advantage. And those advantages are immeasurably great.
“People respect individuals who stand up for themselves,” says Sanborn. “If you’re a wimp who lets people steamroll over you, you probably won’t be on top of the pile for that next promotion.”
Kaye agrees. “When you shut up, you shut down and everybody around you notices,” she says. “Everyone begins to sniff your attitude, and the last thing organizations need is a lousy attitude. It’s like a kid who says ‘I’m not gonna play’ and storms out.
The keys to effectively communicating concerns in the workplace are discretion and sound judgment. If you balance your instincts with your good sense, speaking up will become less of a gamble and more of a jackpot every time.”
